Discipline and self control. Will power and dedication. These are a few things that I lack in my life, especially when it comes to weight loss. My gigantic frame causes me more problems than it helps solve. I know my weight is going to continue to impact my health which is eventually going to be my undoing. Despite these things that run through my mind daily, if not hourly, I continue down the same destructive path. How does one change that? I exercise, diet, plan out my days … then turn around and flip everything up on its end before weeks end. There is always a lapse in judgement, followed immediately by overwhelming guilt, followed by an attempt to reason that I’ll do better and it’ll never happen again.
That’s how my mind works. That’s how an average day/week/month/year goes by for me. A small glimpse inside my head for you folks that wonder why someone that knows they need to lose weight yet somehow won’t lose weight. It’s self sabotage. My own worst enemy, as it goes.
I claimed I was going to take back my diet and exercise routine. Things were going to buckle down and tighten up. Things were going to change. Well, they did, but for the worse over the last couple of weeks. Weight gain, over eating – I’ve ran through all the phases of denial and acceptance, and so here we are. Right back where we started from. School has started back, we have a set schedule for our son’s home school courses. We know what days we have available to work in workouts, which ones will require us to be on our toes for required group courses for The Boy and so on, and so forth. It’s also coming into Fall, Summer is all but over and the weather will – hopefully – be dropping a few degrees, making things more comfortable.
In short, this is the time to regroup and work a new schedule around what we have going forward. Losing my schedule a month ago was the first big trip in my fall off the wagon. But enough of that. I’m sure there will be eye-rolls to this blog post, Lord knows I’m rolling my own as I type it. But not everyone can succeed as quickly or do as well as others. Some of us – myself as the prime example – require much more work.
This week …
I will try not to let myself down. No big promises. Baby steps, starting small and trying not to fall. To commemorate this grand occasion, I’ve reset all my calculations to this very moment, so there is nothing in the past for us to compare with. Here goes everything …
Quick n’ Dirty Stats:
Beginning weight: 350 lbs.
I am back to just shy of my original beginning weight for this year. Here we go again. To quote Doctor Sam Beckett, “Oh boy.”