A year or so back, I made a series of blog posts about how I’d like to get my groove back. As usual, nothing came of those posts, other than wishful thinking. It’s not that I didn’t want the groove, it was just that I was a) busy with life, and b) too lazy to do anything about it. In case you’ve forgotten, the groove I’m referring to is that attitude you achieve when everything is perfect. Not everything in your life, but with you. Your walk, your confidence, your attitude, your dealings with other people, and above all else, the way you carry yourself with all of that mushed together inside. It’s your groove, do what you want to do.
This last Friday, I hit that stride, achieved that groove I’ve been wanting to return to. But here’s the thing – I realized that to hit that particular groove I’ve been missing, was to revert back to something I no longer was. Maybe that was a simple thing for you guys to understand just in reading, but for me, I was taken aback. I was thinking all this time about the feeling I had while carrying myself with that groove perfection, but I never stopped to really look around at my life at that point in time that I had it. To be perfectly honest, the guy I used to be was kind of an asshole – pardon my language – and Friday, that’s what I was, too.
It just wasn’t a really good day Friday, and evidently everything fell right into place to trigger that attitude I’d been missing. I would talk, people would listen. I would walk, they’d move out of the way. I would say, they’d do. I was angry, hateful, mean and blunt to the point of either hurting relationships or losing them. So after a year or more of searching for the right switch to flip to reactivate that dormant personality, I finally found it. But it was no longer me there.
As with the majority of us, we age and grow and become adults with responsibilities and families and jobs that require our attention and time. Blood, sweat, tears – all that jazz. We have to adjust and reevaluate factors in our lives. I guess as I aged and grew and moved on, there just wasn’t room for that butthead I used to be to come with me. I had to leave him and his groove behind. In the past. Gone, but not forgotten. So … what do I do now?
I suppose the answer to my own question is to stop living in the past. It’s done and over with. Can’t go back to it, probably wouldn’t want to, to be honest. But I – we – have the whole future before us. The present all around us. Family, friends, coworkers, etc, are all here in the now and looking at us. We can decide what they see, and I don’t want them to see that other guy again, after meeting him all these years later myself. I want them to see someone better, that’s learned a thing or two. I want them to see the new groove. Hell, I’d like to see the new groove myself!
The other guy is gone. My job now is to create my own groove. A new groove that’s a cleaner, more smooth and upgraded groove compared to the original prototype. My job is to take the sass-talking jerk and reverse engineer that sucker so I can build something new and more suitable for my current situation. But above all else, I have to remember what it is that I don’t want in it so that part can be left in the trash where it belongs.
Just because we hit a rut in the road of life doesn’t mean we should revert back to what we used to think was working for us. Truth is, the past is there to learn from and build upon, no go back to and live in. With that said, here’s to my new adventure. No, not getting my groove back, but instead, building a new one that will express just who I am today, not yesterday.