As of Wednesday, February 10, 2016, I hit the big four-oh. 40 Years old. The day came and went with no real fanfare, thankfully. It also came and went without seeming to affect me in any way, other than mentally. I really, really, don’t feel like I should be 40. If I thought about it long enough, I’m sure some sort of depression would set in, but I’m trying not to think of it. Instead, I’ve a new motivation: to continue growing in my faith and walk as a new Christian. To improve myself as a husband and father because we’re never perfect, there’s always room to improve some aspect of ourselves. We’ll never be perfect, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t stop reaching.
Being 40 for all of 2 days now, it’s also hit me that there are some conversations we can have that reveal things we don’t want to know. Maybe, subconsciously, we realized things were wobbly in some areas of our life, or with some relationships with people, but when it just jumps out and hits you in the face, it can cause you to stumble for a moment. In particular, I’ve come to the conclusion today, as a matter of fact, that it’s valuable to know what people really think of you.
It’s good to know what people really think of you. It shouldn’t change the way you work, live or love with/toward those people. You should still maintain your integrity and continue to strive for whatever goals you have. But knowing where you stand with someone can be very valuable, even if it’s something that secretly hurts you inside.
This came to mind today when I was having – what I thought was – a playful chat with someone. Suddenly, they get defensive and make a comment about something I had been involved in 10 years ago. Ten years in the past, this person still remembered it, and judged me on it all these years later. It hurt. It truly hurt. Is that all we are to others? An accumulation of all our faults and failures? Or maybe it’s just this one particular person that has never really ever brought up anything positive I’ve done, come to think of it. Instead, whenever they get argumentative, it’s the negative things I’m remembered for as they recall in detail what ever moment from the past they dig up.
News to me. I thought this other person and I were on pretty good, close standing with one another. And while I may be overreacting, the fact that they easily, in a split second, reached back and hurled that moment at me, spoke volumes to me.
Yeah, welcome to the blog of a 40 year old nerd. Enjoy your stay.