Kong: Skull Island (PG-13)


Kong: Skull Island (2017) – 2h – Action, Adventure, Fantasy

Synopsis: A team of scientists explore an uncharted island in the Pacific, venturing into the domain of the mighty Kong, and must fight to escape a primal Eden.

MPAA: Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of sci-fi violence and action, and for brief strong language.

Kong: Skull Island is, 3 months into 2017, the best movie I’ve seen this year. Understand, however, that I’ve only seen 2 movies this year. Of those two, this one is amazing. There’s actually a good story, great acting, and it’s played as a serious action drama, not cheesy and goofy like the 2005 version. In fact, I’d just like to forget that one even exits, especially after seeing this film.

K:SI continues in the Cinematic Universe creation process of slowly merging with other monster films. As many fans of the monster movies know, there’s going to be a new American Godzilla coming in a year or two, and this film serves as a continuation point from the 2014 film and lead-in to the next big screen version in 2018 or 19. In fact, stay until after the credits (which seemed incredibly long) to see a setup for future films.

Kong would have been perfect as a Summer blockbuster because it had all the makings. Big guns, explosions, action, Samuel L. Jackson, you know, the things you just expect in a movie these days! The characters were totally believable, the details of Monarch and their mission, the military involvement, the true purpose of their visit, etc, are excellent reveals and draw out the story. I’ve never even been a huge fan of John C. Reilly, but he was fantastic in Kong.

Great movie, great story, great characters. Go see it, it’s pretty … great.

Plot Generator (a Website)

I stumbled across an odd website called Plot Generator. It’s sort of like a game of Mad Libs, in which you select the type of story you want to write, then fill in a series of questions. If you just want to go for broke and are feeling lucky, you can click the Suggest button next to each box. As you fill out (or auto-fill) the boxes, the site takes all of your answers and generates, for example, a short story using everything you’ve provided. I’ve linked (and pasted) an example of a story I just “wrote” below.

It’s worth a look, if nothing more for entertainment – or maybe even an idea or two.

The Crumpled Sausage
A Short Story
by Insomnia176
Tony Jones had always loved deserted Sleepford with its gleaming, grubby gates. It was a place where he felt cross.

He was an admirable, brave, beer drinker with wide legs and ruddy hands. His friends saw him as a boiled, burnt bear. Once, he had even helped a green kitten cross the road. That’s the sort of man he was.

Tony walked over to the window and reflected on his grand surroundings. The sleet rained like chatting donkeys.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Cuthbert Jolie. Cuthbert was a selfish hero with moist legs and blonde hands.

Tony gulped. He was not prepared for Cuthbert.

As Tony stepped outside and Cuthbert came closer, he could see the nervous smile on his face.

“I am here because I want justice,” Cuthbert bellowed, in a lovable tone. He slammed his fist against Tony’s chest, with the force of 251 foxes. “I frigging hate you, Tony Jones.”

Tony looked back, even more puzzled and still fingering the crumpled sausage. “Cuthbert, I just don’t need you in my life any more,” he replied.

They looked at each other with fuzzy feelings, like two lonely, lively lizards chatting at a very stable snow storm, which had reggae music playing in the background and two forgetful uncles walking to the beat.

Tony studied Cuthbert’s moist legs and blonde hands. Eventually, he took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, but I can’t give you justice,” he explained, in pitying tones.

Cuthbert looked unstable, his body raw like a thirsty, thankful torch.

Tony could actually hear Cuthbert’s body shatter into 7965 pieces. Then the selfish hero hurried away into the distance.

Not even a drink of beer would calm Tony’s nerves tonight.


Knock, Knock (R)


Knock Knock (2015) – 1hr 39min – Drama, Horror, Thriller

Synopsis: When a devoted husband and father is left home alone for the weekend, two stranded young women unexpectedly knock on his door for help. What starts out as a kind gesture results in a dangerous seduction and a deadly game of cat and mouse.

MPAA: Rated R for disturbing violent behavior, strong sexual content, nudity and language

I really don’t know why I bother with Eli Roth movies anymore, but here comes Knock Knock starring Keanu Reeves. Reeves plays a happily married man with two kids. All that comes crashing down around him when he’s left home alone to work on a project and two girls show up at his door claiming to be lost. What happens over the next hour or so is … well … something. Twisted dark fantasy meets nightmare as the girls reveal they’re just playing a demented game with the men they scope out, but it’s not all their fault, as Reeves’ character initially doesn’t put up much of a fight.

Knock Knock is a prime example of todays world, I suppose, and what happens when you give in to your lusts. Throw in blackmail, some whacked out girls, nudity, and let’s not forget social media in this digital age, and you’ve got the makings for a life and career ending escapade.

Keanu seems to be overacting just a bit in this role, or maybe that’s to make his whole character look fake anyways. From the way he’s happily shouting his lines to his wife and kids, to the way he’s shouting and trying to act upset with the crazy chicks at the end. It all comes off as fake – or bad acting – and we all know Reeves is fairly decent as an actor.

All in all, I’d say this is one of those movies where you are left to decide on your own which direction you want to go. Feel bad for him, or feel glad that he is revealed for the true character he is when all is said and done. The girls little speech at the end can almost make them seem like vigilantes out to take down the real bad guys, one by one. Or else you can view them as the demented villains who just tarnished our hero’s reputation.

I’m always torn when a movie leaves it up to me to decide how I want to view a film. I just want to be entertained, not left wondering for weeks if X, Y, or Z was the director’s original intent on making the choices they did.

Whether you decide to watch the movie or not, you won’t be missing out either way. And besides, as a guy – being stupid and all, as guys are – I can’t say my story wouldn’t end the same way, but I’d like to think I’d be the better man.